I'm stressed.

That's not exactly the word I want to use to characterize myself during summer break nor do I want to be depressing but it's just the simple truth. Long story that I won't even pretend is short, my debit card was stolen (or rather conveniently picked up by a McDonald's employee in the window where I accidentally left it) and a 22-year-old girl went on a shopping spree that has pushed me right off the edge of compassion into downright unrighteous indignation. My days have been filled with more visits and calls than I care to count between the police department and bank. I'm hoping to be able to soon report that my financial institution has replaced the missing funds. As of right now, they have not and I'm pretty well aggravated that the tax dollars we contributed to buy out the entire industry seemingly have not purchased any accompanying customer service. I'm assuming you only get that if you have more zeros at the end of your balance than we do and if that were the case, this whole fiasco wouldn't be as much of one! If the issue isn't resolved soon, I'll be sure and let you know who it is so you can AVOID THEM LIKE THE DERN PLAGUE. I'm on the fence about whether we will keep our accounts there.

I'm sure they are devastated.

Anyway, instead of also worrying over the fact I haven't written regularly in a while, I am going to give myself permission to relax. I've got some revamping to do so I'll be gone for a little bit but hopefully back rejuvenated and ready to go at it afresh. I want to be sure and thank all of you ministry wives who filled out the Woman Beside the Man questionnaires and to apologize for not posting those as frequently as I should. You are top of my priority list when I return. Thank you for your patience!

Hope you are having a summer filled with everything you wanted to do! I'm having a long overdue yard sale the end of this week to get rid of all the things we've accumulated in the past four years. After that, it's the pool baby!

Be back soon!

I told y'all the other day that I'd been having some camera issues that had greatly impeded my ability to document our important family days much less capture any fascinating blog content.

That, my friends, has all changed.

Sunday, we ate lunch at our favorite Mexican Restaurant with our dear friends, Sam and Lou. Imagine my surprise when she handed me a shoe box and told me she wanted to give me some shoes that didn't fit her. I knew something was up when Sam said, "Yeah, Lou said you had a big 'ole foot and she thought you may could use those." First, Lou would never have said such a thing. Second, you have to know Sam, but his being involved with this mysterious gift had me full well expecting something to jump out and bite me.


It didn't bite. It was this.

Oh my gosh, y'all. I absolutely love it. The pictures are beautiful and it does every single thing I could ever want and more. I would say I can't believe they did this, but again, you have to know Sam and Lou. They are forever on the look out for ways to bless people and my goodness, have they blessed us. I've hugged them a million times, but it only seems appropriate to thank them once more.

Now that I've taken pictures of everything in the house, I thought I'd show you a couple of projects I mentioned a while back.

The Girl got a comforter for Christmas. Remember my telling you I finally painted her room pale yellow to match? It really looks great. You will think me overprotective, but I'm a little weird about showing her whole bedroom. Even so, here is the fabric of the comforter. I've finally gotten over how grown up it looks.

I bought white letters at Hobby Lobby because she wanted her name on the wall. These were on clearance for $1.50 each. I painted them brown but they were too boring. I started playing with the idea of outlining them in green but when I got across the bottom of the letter, I decided I liked the look. I originally planned on using the ribbon to hang them, but that was looking awkward. That's when I decided to hot glue the bows and mount them straight to the wall. I think I like the result? I can't help but think they need something more but for right now, I have to turn attention to the curtains. I'm embellishing some white ones with fabric scraps from the bag the comforter set came in. Believe me, when they are done, you'll be seeing pictures!

Welcome to Under My Bed. What's so great about that you ask? The fact that you can see the floor - what else? There is now nothing living there but a few residual dust bunnies and my sewing table. I can't even talk about how giddy that makes me. While I was at it, I had Luke help me rearrange all the furniture. He wasn't thrilled until we were done. The new set up is so much more functional and if I can make enough money from my upcoming yard sale, I'll be shopping Target for my own new comforter. And guess what? I'll take pictures of it! *squeal*

Finally, this picture is of The Girl wearing more colors than should be allowed in one day.

Just because I can..

May is not the ideal month to be without a camera. My good one broke some time back and my backup has officially bit the dust. I'm not ready to invest a huge amount of cash into a new one because there is this little thing called vacation I'd like to be able to enjoy with my family next month.

Here's my question: Do any of you have a $100-ish digital camera that you are particularly fond of? What brand and model is it? Obviously, I'm not expecting professional quality, but there's got to be a standout in this price range. I just don't have the time or energy for research so who better to ask than you girls?!

I'd love to hang around but gotta run to the school for a luau.

Here's hoping my camera isn't the only one broken. Me in a grass skirt is not an image that needs capturing.

Y'all have a Happy Wednesday!

For the past few weeks, I've quasi-intentionally laid off writing hoping that a mental vacation would somehow energize the firing of the proper brain cells that produce interesting blog content. Turns out it doesn't work that way. The longer my brain has remained dormant, the stupider I've gotten.

In a phrase, I got nothin'.

I'm pretty certain you are sick of hearing about The Shred. I'm on Day Sixteen. It still hurts. The End.

You already know we are at the ballfields every single night watching one non-descript game after another. Don't judge me if I say having four kids on four teams has been exhausting and I'm over it. Of course I think my offspring are fabulous whether they strike out or make an excellent play. For the nanoseconds they are batting or actually touching the ball, my excitement level does rise. I wouldn't dare not be there to support them and the team filled with children and parents we love but the truth is, I can't wait for the season to be over. I would rather be on my sofa than in my folding chair. I would rather eat a meal on my kitchen table than on a bleacher. The End.

Lost is over until next season. I am completely baffled with the exception of discerning the overtly-obvious, uber-religious overtones that are no longer deniable. I'm afraid I'll be forced to recant my love of the show once ABC has their way with it. But I'll think about that next season. The End.

Luke just sat down to with me to share his sermon notes for Sunday. If I don't listen, he'll silently shame me into a more intentional blog hiatus and it will really be The End.

Y'all have a great weekend!

Will you think less of me, friends o'mine, if I tell you May is my least favorite month of the year?

Oh sure, there's the whole May Flowers jazz. And Mother's Day. And the return of warmer temperatures. All good things but who can enjoy them when the school and baseball calendar go seven kinds of crazy?

I full well realize that our school officials shouldn't be expected to check with me when planning end of the year award ceremonies and activities. But, is it too much to ask for a little lumping? Do I need to go teach a crash course on multi-tasking as in having elementary award day immediately after Kindergarten graduation so we can get a couple things over with at one time? Anyone else feeling robbed of the last weeks of School Year Bliss a.k.a. 9 months of 7 hour days of Me Time?

And perhaps that last sentence sounds like I'm not looking forward to Summer With The Children.

Well, of course I am. What kind of monster do you take me for? What mom doesn't look forward to kids foraging the cabinets through the night only to leave your kitchen looking like a mob of rabid raccoons ransacked it during the wee hours? Or eagerly anticipate dragging their lazy bums out of bed every day and forcing them to take a shower sometime before 3 p.m? Or the fighting that is a natural by-product of four siblings who aren't used to spending 24/7 on the same piece of real estate?

Yeah, baby. I'm SO looking forward to that.

So let me ask......What kind of routines do you girls have in the summer months? Are you Devil May Care or do you have some guidelines for keeping the family sane? I'd love to hear your plans because I've got nothing.

I'd love to hang around but I have to go to Field Day. Apparently there was a May Day without something planned so we've decided to feed the kids sugar and then line them up to race.

It's how we do the Derby in Alabama.

As if I have time for any incapacitation whatsoever, it now appears I can add vertigo to the list of ghosts in my machine. After some quality internet self-diagnosis and advice from my FaceBook friends, my conclusion is either A: I'm having inner ear issues related to the floating death called pollen that is coating everything here, or B: I've Shredded too much and gotten dehydrated. That may not be the case, but it sounds like a good reason to take a couple days off from it. I finished through Day Ten and can I just say that even though Jillian is a beast, the woman can flat get results. I've already lost a couple pounds and several inches and feel quite a bit stronger - except for the fact I can't stand up without falling over. She may kill me but dern if I won't look buff in the casket.

In other news, I have to tell y'all the coolest thing we are doing as a family during our nightly devo times. I have struggled to find a family devotional that is appropriate for both Luke and me as well as the kids. I think I mentioned the other day that I'd been sent the Fireproof Bible Study to review and included was The Love Dare. As I began reading through it, I realized, "WOW! This could be so easily adapted for families!"

I don't know if your crew is like mine, but can I admit that sometimes we need to reboot? Just shut it all down and start over? Our lives are crazy stressed and it is common for us all to be grumpy, impatient, and generally unloving towards one another. Luke and I have been re-writing the lessons in The Love Dare to apply to the kids - as well as ourselves - and tweaking The Dares. I can honestly say that after only a few days there has been a marked changed in the atmosphere in our home. Praise Jesus.

I've laughed my head off at the kids' interpretations of The Dares. Day One's task is simply not to say anything negative. We also added, 'No Retaliation'. Apparently the boys think that is a license to be silently annoying until the point a brother/sister is ready to lose his/her mind. At the breaking point, the offender will sing-song, "Remember...Nooo Retaliatioooooooon." Obviously, Luke and I are learning we are having to write a lot of qualifiers into The Dares.

An example would be on Random Act of Kindness Day. Each kid was assigned another for whom they would have to do something nice. {Boy Two - the fabulously witty one - asked his assigned brother, "Would you like Roses or Carnations, darling brother?" He's funnier accidentally than I could ever hope to be on purpose.} Here's where another qualifier comes into play. Boy Three - The Stinker - was in a foul mood this morning so we've now added that if you are being unkind to a sibling, you have to do forced Random Acts for the person you've wronged. His list currently includes making his sister's bed two days in a row and cleaning my toilet.

Man, I love this.

Okay, it's time to gently lay the computer aside and try to do household chores that don't involved bending over, turning my head from side to side, or getting up. So basically, I'm going to sit on the couch and catch up on movie watching. And write in some more failure clauses into the Love Dare: Family Edition that will benefit my inability to do housework.

I'm sunk if the kids start getting the point in all this.


Y'all have a Happy Tuesday!

My Girl came home from school today with an important announcement:

"CRIMSON (her bff) TAUGHT ME TO TIE MY SHOES, MOMMY!" {And yes, she told me in all caps.}

Why is it my first reaction was to feel like a loser mom because another Kindergartener taught my child to tie shoes? Geesh. Do we women ever exhaust our list of insecurities?

I got over my brief session of self-degradation and told her what a wonderfully brilliant child she was to have learned such a complicated thing. And with that, the tying commenced. She pulled out every laced shoe in the house and proceeded to demonstrate.

What I didn't anticipate is that The Girl had taken her tying skillz to the next level. I'm talking Masters Degree here with a few hours towards her Doctorate. Not only can she flat out make a bunny-eared bow, she can Triple Tie. Ask me how I know? It took me 20 minutes to get them undone so I could get my shoes on this morning. I would have taken a picture for you but then that would require my finding a camera, putting batteries in it, snapping the picture and uploading it all so you could see a hot mess of a knot. So visualize with me, will you?


But, the tying didn't end there. Do you ever have those days of recurring themes? Get a load of this. While The Girl was tying shoes, she informed me that she also TIED for class favorites with who else, her bff Crimson. She was so excited that they got to share the honor. I asked her if she voted for herself or Crimson and she acted like I was the devil for even entertaining the thought. She said, "Mommy, who would ever vote for their selfs anyway?"

Ummmm. I don't know? I can't imagine anyone ever doing such a horrible thing.

*cough*

What's more, while she and I were having this conversation, the phone rang. Want to know who was calling? My son's bff: TY.

IS THAT NOT JUST PLAIN FREAKY?

I would tell you I'm going to put on my tye-dyed shirt and do some TaiBo but that would be a lie.

But lie rhymes with tie.

It's SO time for me to say goodbye.

(You're Welcome)

Then this will make you cry.

...which is unfortunate since all I seem to be able to do is stare at the blinking cursor. I've just about meme'd y'all into oblivion so I thought it might be time for some real live mediocrity.

And since we are the subject of un-excitement (spell check wants un-excitement to be encystment. I have no idea what that means but it doesn't sound exciting either!), the kids are in Big Testing this week at school. Apparently when it's time for the Big Testing parents are supposed to provide nutritious breakfasts as opposed to the breakfasts we normally feed our children. Cookie Crisps and a Coke don't count? What?!

Being the Wanna Be Good Mom that I am, I actually prepared food this morning that exceeded room temperature. After all that work, I'm expecting 99th percentile. And if the awesome grub didn't do the trick, the brother-to-brother mentoring ought to work. This morning Boy Three asked Boy Two what a preposition was - you know, in case in turned up on his test.

With a knowing smile, Boy Two said, "That is SO easy. It's a word that is found between some other words in a sentence."

The child is a prodigy. Webster and Roget would be so proud.

And speaking of dictionaries and the like, I'm reminded to tell you my book finally has an official name! Y'all. It was harder titling the thing than it was writing it. Married to the Ministry was always tentative but after going through the titling process (did y'all know there is a whole titling process?), the publishers and I have finally agreed on...

*drumroll*

"You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes...And Other Great Advice from an Unlikely Preacher's Wife."

If you hate it, please keep it to yourself. I'll be devastated. Okay, not really but it'd be great to hear your nice thoughts! I'm really, really getting pumped now because we can move on to cover design since the title is decided. I promise I will cry like stupid baby when I see this thing with a picture on front. I also assure you as soon as I have the design and I'm given liberty to share it, you'll be the first to see! We may even make a little contest out of choosing a cover if I can get my awesome editor to arrange for a choice or three. I'm horrible at decision-making. Just ask anyone who has ever shopped or eaten with me more than once.

Alright, I know this is short but it's time for the kids' devo and early bedtime. I may just hit it a bit early myself.

I'll need to be fully rested if I am to cook a warm, nutritious breakfast again in the morning.

This being-a-good-mom stuff is exhausting.

Once upon a time I was crafty.

This parenthetical season of life was pretty well limited to my years as a student wife at Clear Creek Bible College. I was cloistered in a Utopian bubble with many other women whose husbands were also called to ministry. To say I was intimidated by their multi-talentedness would be an epic understatement. In order to fit in, I tried my hand at sewing and also with other various projects involving glue guns and a plethora of Delta Ceramcoat paints. I was a little surprised to find I actually enjoyed making things for my home. I think one of my first masterpieces was a clay pot pilgrim and his wife.

Classy.


The more kids I birthed the less time I had to indulge any urge to create a table centerpiece with glued-on straw for hair. The sewing machine has been under my bed for four years and the glue gun is in the back of my closet in a Rubbermaid container underneath another that contains our old income tax records. They may have remained there forever were it not for a six-year old girl who got a new comforter for Christmas.

Yes, she asked Santa for a room makeover. Thankfully, Santa shops at Target so she was able to choose this bedding all by her self. She decided to leave behind the pink and purple of her childhood and graduate to a mature green, brown, and yellow palette. {It's actually a darling comforter. This picture doesn't show the reverse print which is actually the cutest part and the one we display.}

My precious girl has been waiting patiently since December for her mother to get the energy to repaint her room. This past week, I finally got sick to death of looking at all the pink and purple wall hangings clashing with the brown, green, and yellow. I had self-determined to take a couple days off from studying/writing and decided it was now or never to finish her room. SO, I used my days off to remove every fairy-themed thing from her room and paint her walls a beautiful shade of pale yellow all while watching the best movie I've seen in a great long while: Australia. {Y'all just have to see it. Nicole Kidman's perfomance was perfection. Brooke and I both agree we would now like to be referred to as "Mrs. Boss" by our children. And our husbands too for that matter, but then we enter the realm of "biblical appropriateness" and so it seems best to limit our desire for dominance to our children who have no say in the matter.}

{ Go away, rabbit. No time to chase you today!}

Problem is, this left her walls completely bare which required my asking what she might like to replace all the things we'd taken down. Her reply? "I want my name in letters on the wall like (her bff) Alayna's. And I want you to paint swirlies all over them like my comforter and hang them with ribbons."

*Gulp* Last time I checked that required the Delta paints and glue gun.

So as not to be a major failure in my girl's eyes and also to capitalize on the impulsiveness that started me on the project to begin with, I made a trip to Chattanooga with Michael's and Hobby Lobby coupons in hand. I should preface what I am saying next by reminding you I've not been in a craft store in years. With that in mind, my route took me by Michael's first. I only have one thing to say about that.

Michael's, I know you try, but the truth is...well, you are inferior.

I left quickly after not finding what I had in mind and headed over to Hobby Lobby.

Y'all. My breath. I still can't catch my breath.

I'm pretty sure there were angels singing the hallelujah chorus when I hit the front door and tried to take in what I was seeing before me. Aisles and aisles of brightly lit craft supplies awakened every ADHD/OCD tendency lying dormant in my overwhelmed body. There were adorable Easter chatzky's to my left, color-coordinated home accessories immediately before me, and rows and rows of flowers to my right. I literally had to chant to myself, "Lisa, one thing at a time. Concentrate. You are here for letters and paint. That is all. Complete the letters and I will allow you to return but ONLY when you actually complete the letters. Letters, Lisa. That is it."

And it was SO hard but I stuck to my plan and only got what was necessary to do the one project. God was obviously present with me because my letters? I found them on sale for 1/2 price! They were only $1.50 a stinkin' piece! Now if that isn't some divine favor I have no idea what qualifies.

So now, we've painted the letters with three coats of brown paint but I think they need one more to be perfect. I'm going to finish working on those tomorrow and hopefully have a completed project to show you soon. Do you notice I use the word 'complete' a lot? That's not accidental. I have this issue with starting with a bang and finishing with a whimper, if at all. So, y'all pray I'll keep striking while the iron is hot and we'll have a lovely new room to show for it when I'm done.

Now that the redecorating bug has bitten, I'm thinkin' I need to hit the bathroom next.

And that doesn't sound nice at all. I'm totally hoping y'all get what I mean. I really have no idea how to recover from that one so I'll bid you a happy Sunday night!

p.s. Post soon to follow with beautiful pictures of my son's baptism today. I'm still overwhelmed by our service this morning. I'll tell you all about it and the mad skillz of the girl who took the pics when I get them up. :))

Don't you get so incredibly tired of me telling you how life has gotten in the way of blogging? Six months ago I would have distressed to the uttermost if I didn't find a way to update daily. I've chill-axed a bit since then and realized the blog is for me and not vice versa. The only bummer in all my crazy is that I haven't been able to read blogs much for several weeks. I'm woefully out of the loop and feeling awfully saddened and guilty over it.

So if you aren't mad that I haven't visited you in a while and you care at all what I've been up to, I have to tell you that on Valentine's Day I got to experience a first: A trip to a bonafide spa. (I can't ever say bonafide without thinking of George Clooney's wife and girls in O Brother, Where Art Thou.)

Now, I've had some spa treatments before but only at the hand of fellow students of the cosmetology program I completed in 1994. I was the official hair color guinea pig and had no less than 43 applications of Redken Shades in the year-long course. The cool red a.k.a purple red was by far my least favorite by the way. Thanks for that, Karen. I feel I still owe my own apologies to the girls on whom I practiced fake nails for the first time. They could barely lift their fingers for the glop of hardened acrylic hanging off the ends. The file was definitely my friend - and theirs too for that matter provided they didn't opt for the remover first. Our hands were bloody stumps by the time we finished learning the fine art of nail sculpture. So yeah, I was looking forward to going to a real spa.

Anyway, my bff Kim and I went to The Mountain Escape Spa with gift certificates we'd gotten for Christmas courtesy of someone very awesome. It was all I ever imagined and more. So serene and quaint tucked into the dream community that is Lookout Mountain, TN. Every house there looks like it was taken straight from the pages of Southern Living.

Kim and I got an hour aroma therapy massage, facial, and manicure. I loved every second of each service but I would have to say my favorite was probably the facial. I was only a little embarrassed when Olivia asked me what happened to my chin and I had to admit I'd burned it the week before with my curling iron. What a goober. I can't even explain how it happened except you shouldn't try to talk on the phone and touch up frizz at the same time. I've determined I could easily be a spa rat. The Hot Rock massage is definitely on my radar. I'd never be able to justify taking myself back, but if anyone is just looking for something sweet to do for his wife...???? That would definitely be in the Love Dare.

When we finished we met our families in Chattanooga to eat at Outback. After that we went to the Home Show. If you've never been to one, it's like a huge home improvement expo where vendors hawk their wares. Y'all may think that sounds like a snooze but for a girl who would rather spend time in Lowe's than WalMart, it really is great fun to daydream about how you'd build The Perfect House. The only reason I'm telling you about it is that I'm still jazzed over an awesome counter top. If we ever build or remodel again, I'm definitely putting these in the kids' bathroom. Have y'all ever seen such?? Very expensive but doable if you use it in a smaller space. I pretty much spent the rest of my time drooling over dressing room/ closet built-ins. Unfortunately, parsonages do not come with those.

Since the weekend, I've had my nose in 40+ books getting ready to teach a retreat Friday and Saturday. If you're just looking for some one's name to say to God, I'd be awfully appreciative if it happened to be mine. And speaking of books, I'm reading a really good one: Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It's not brand new but I've only just picked it up because it follows some themes I'll be teaching. Good stuff. You wouldn't be disappointed if you bought it!

Okay, I've got to get. What in the world are you girls up to? I seriously miss you!

Wow. My last post was heavy, huh? Didn't mean for it to be. Sometimes I just have to purge the fire in my bones and when I read it later I wonder what I was thinking. I hope you heard my heart and that you know it bleeds for you. I'm really not an angry, snot-slingin', maniac though in print you may feel the need to wipe off the screen. I guess what I'm trying to do here is make up to you if I came across belligerent. I'm not sorry for what I wrote because I was compelled. I'm just sorry if it came across harsh because you couldn't see the concern that motivated it. (Nobody has communicated this by the way...it's my own tendency-to-second-guess-myself speaking here. And I'm not fishing for reassurance either. Just doin' some truth tellin'.) To make myself feel better, I'll just claim Luke's verse that he preached Sunday morning and say it is because I am jealous for God's people, his women specifically, that I get all bent out of shape. I just can't stand to see you (or myself) a compliant victim.

Pat Benatar's "Hit Me with Your Best Shot" just popped in my head. That couldn't have been from Jesus.

Anyway, I really intended to lighten the mood by making you a little video clip as a reminder for our Spectacular Sin Book Club beginning on Monday, but the truth is my hair isn't cute today and why would a girl video herself with a less than acceptable 'do?

Anyway, what I was going to tell you is REMEMBER OUR BOOK CLUB STARTS MONDAY! If you are participating, have your Introduction read. If you aren't playing along, please read anyway. I think you will still be able to gain from the conversation. Missy and I talked on the phone this past week (while she was on the way to Beth's Houston Bible Study - I'm so trying to get over my envy) and I can tell you we are equally thrilled and equally unsure the best way to present this material. I think we have a great game plan: We'll alternate leading weekly discussions and determine what we are going to do next by attempting to outdo the previous week. HA! I'm SO KIDDING! Just messing about the typical way we females do things - in comparison with one another instead of going to God on a thing. That's a total rabbit - let's not chase it.

In all seriousness, I love that crazy Missy and can't wait to team up with her to dig into some meaty doctrine. My prayer is that we'll serve it up hot and that you will throw aside any tendencies toward theological vegetarianism. I have no idea what the heck I just said but it came to mind so there ya go.

In other loose ends, I'm about to determine the winner of the John Piper Conference tickets a day late. I'll have the winners posted Saturday. Can't wait to see who gets to travel to Minnesota to hear all the fabulousness!



GAH! I just deleted my signature again!

A little over a week ago I was walking through my living room and stubbed my toe. Not sure on what - it could have been anything from a guitar to a hind catcher's helmet. The point is, when I did, it broke a small little corner of my big toenail.

Now me being a too-lazy-to-walk-in-the-bathroom-to-get-the-clippers kind of girl, I decided just to jerk the little piece of broken nail off and let that be the end of the story.

Wrong answer.

What I unintentionally pulled off my toe was the entire skin fold from tip to root.

My inner child is still screaming.

After the initial pain and shock, I figured it was all good. It was a little tender but, hey, I am woman. I've had babies. This is nothing, right?

Whatev-ah.

The end result has been a disgusting infection (TMI?) which has necessitated my limping for days now. The only silver lining I can see at this point is that I'll have an awesomely buff right thigh from hauling the rest of my gimpy self around.

I was pretty certain I would end up having to go to the doctor so last night I got online to see if I could find pictures of a similar problem and what kind of treatment I might expect.

Another wrong move.

I found a YouTube video of an actual ingrown toenail surgery. Someone tell me why I watched it? Have you ever watched a horror movie knowing you didn't want to see the hatchet job about to happen but some twisted part of you just couldn't turn it off? That same sickening fascination took over my body. I watched from the time the doc plunged in the pinky-thick anesthesia needle until he pulled out the funkiest hunk of toenail you can possibly imagine. Truly, the size of what was hiding in that man's foot boggled the mind.

The heebie jeebies. I still have them.

So, after seeing that video I was bound and determined I wasn't going anywhere near a doctor even though I didn't have this same ailment. My only option was alternative medicine.

Now, in the course of my injury I've had quite a few suggestions as to what I could do to heal my toe old wives tale style. One of these came from my friend Jenny who suggested putting it in turpentine.

Yep. Turpentine.

I can totally see how soaking in a hazardous, flammable liquid would take care of my problem right away. If you no longer have a toe, you no longer have an infected toe, yes?

I found a much more reasonable course of treatment that included soaking it in warm salt water. Hmmmm....Salt Water vs. Turpentine. How's a girl to choose?

And now I must stand and give a testimony.

Warm salt water is the Healing Nectar of the Lord. In only an hour my foot was miraculously on the mend after days and days of peroxide and Neosporin accomplished nothing. I was actually able to put my foot in a closed-toed shoe today. Not that I plan on doing that often because, hello? It is the season of the flip flop.

In the meantime, we just gotta keep the cute little Morton girls with umbrellas from realizing the power they possess. It'll be a bad day if they join forces with the oil sheiks and learn the art of price gouging.

Or worse, take their product to Ebay.

....that I wouldn't dare step foot in for all the billions in Dubai.



Don't have much time to talk today. I am horrifically behind on the writng but I read this article on Fox News this morning and just had to show you. Is it just my own issues with heights or do the thoughts of occupying a squiggly, rotating skyscraper give you the shudders that just won't go away?

UPDATED:

You know, when I posted this a few days back, I figured it might raise a couple of eyebrows and that it could possibly offend. But, I alone know the heart behind anything I write and it is a light-hearted heart if I do say so myself. The people who know me and have spent any length of time around here know this, too.

You girls should know I am a Happy American. When I tell you I'm a Republican, I'm not mad about it. If you tell me you are not, I'm not mad about it. Though I more closely align with the Republican party, I am not deluded enough to think it does not have its flaws. If I could create a party, it would have the moral platform of the R's and the 'for-the-working-man' mentality of the D's. But alas, there is no such party so, my interpretation of Scripture is that I am obligated to vote what will profit morally over financially.

Again, that is my opinion and I'm as entitled to it as you are yours. I'm not asking you to ascribe to it. I didn't say, "Hey everybody, I vote Republican and so should you!" If I don't approve of your vote, who cares? What power do I have over you? But, does your opinion mean so much that I would be called 'tacky' if I don't agree with it? Should my Christian ministry be called to account because I gave myself a label? Should I come to your blog and call you a name or question your ministry-effectiveness? No. I prefer to happily disagree.

And then go have a Starbucks together.

I realize the Republicans can lack morals. But, and this may sound completely stupid but I know what I mean, at least they don't publicly support abomination. When I judge morality, it is through the lens of what Scripture refers to as heinous sin. The murder of children is abhorrent as is homosexuality (Romans 1). (Does that mean I am a hater? NO! I have friends in this lifestyle. I don't approve of their actions, but I deeply love them as individuals.) Refusing to acknowledge God as creator of all and then removing Him from our education and governmental system is reprehensible. The National Democratic Party is by and large a supporter of all these actions. Do any of our well-known, conservative Bible teachers, evangelists, pastors support the Democratic party? Not that I know of. So, who are it's high-profile supporters? Movie actors and New Age philosophers, that's who. As a Christian, I will never cast my lot with a group of people who do not even blush when supporting these views. If my opinion riles you enough to resort to name-calling, then I can assure there are many other blogs out there that will please you much more.

I also must point out that many local-government Democrats do not ascribe to the National Party left-wing activism. In no way, shape, or form do I think any of the Democrats sitting in our church pews are un-Christian. I do not teach my children to slur Democrats. My boy honestly had no idea what the word 'Democrat' meant and thought it sounded like something we shouldn't be saying. It was innocent. We all laughed.

You mad ones ought to try it some time.

The End.
____________________________________________________

So you may or may not have noticed I've been strangely silent in blogland lately. I still have a bazillion emails to answer (I'm getting to it, really!) and many more updates I want to do to my pretty new blog, but alas, the schedule has simply not allowed it.

I won't bore you with the details of the entire last week but I am proud to tell you that yesterday I played an integral role in the wonderful thing we call democracy.

You see, I have this friend named Jenny. (you have to pronounce it like Forrest Gump or it's no fun) Jen-nay is connected - a made girl you could say. Her family runs one of the local voting precincts and if, just if, you are lucky enough - they will call you if they need an extra poll clerk. At least until they figure out that you don't have the good sense to write down 13 names without getting them out of order.

Yeah. Sorry about that again, Mr. W.

It was a thrilling day really. We voted 34 people (I think that was the final count?) in 12 hours. Thankfully, I took a bag full of study material and my laptop so I could work on my book in between eating sour gummy worms and watching Jenny measure things with her handy dandy ruler. I was really excited to discover her nose was longer than mine only to later be crushed when she hinted that maybe she just told me that so I could get over thinking I look like a platypus.

What a great friend that girl is.

But not the greatest friend, because clearly that title belongs to Lorie the Illustrious Postmaster. I told y'all I live in a small town so it should come as no surprise that all of our BFF circles include Major Town Players.

And Lorie? She is M-A-J-O-R. You are a nobody if she hasn't invited you to her Princess House parties.

That she hosts for Jenny I might add.

But that is beside the point.

All I'm really trying to do is get around to telling y'all about Son Number Three.

Luke brought the kids by to say hello while I was working. Each of us clerks are supposed to refrain from talking about our political party preferences so as not to intimidate the voters - an oath that is easier taken than kept. While Boy Three was standing there, Jenny asked a voter what party ticket they needed and the person said, "Democrat".

Boy Three spoke up and said, "Democrat! What does that mean? Sounds like a dirty word to me!"

I was proud. Proud indeed.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old......... "

....he will vote Republican.

What should I write when I really have nothing to say?

Should I tell you about The Girl graduating from Pre-K and how she, instead of a picking a toy for her present, chose 2 new outfits instead? It is quite a win-win for a mother when necessities are ranked as a gift. Kind of like my boys using their Christmas Hibbett's gift cards to buy new tennis shoes. My pocket book let out a sigh of relief on that one - especially considering we get hi-fived every time we bring our three boys through the door of that place. All Employees get to meet their sales quotas on those nights.

Or would you like to know that I wore my cute shoes to WalMart today and a girl chased me down to ask me where I got them? Her husband thought we were both weird chatting it up in the frozen food section over footwear. She said, "Well, are they comfortable?" to which I replied, "Heck no, but who cares?!" We bonded instantly. She said, "It hurts being beautiful, doesn't it?" Considering my feet were screaming, I responded in the affirmative. I wasn't even offended when her hubby rolled his eyes. Dudes are just different.

Oh, I know. I know! I could tell you how I made an excellent new dish tonight called Chicken Penne with Smoky Chile Cream Sauce. Shoot, you might even want the recipe so here it is:

12 oz. uncooked penne pasta
1 1/2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts - cut in strips or cubed
1/2 chopped onion
1 tsp minced garlic
2 cups Alfredo sauce (I used Ragu)
1 tbsp chipotle in adobo sauce (I used more because we like spishay)
2 tsps chili powder
2 tsps maple syrup ( I used Log Cabin but I think you could really leave it out)
1/2 tsp salt
8 slices bacon (I used real bacon bits)
2 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro (didn't use this - I hate to bite into cilantro)

1. Cook penne pasta. Drain.

2. Heat oil and cook chicken until done. Remove to plate and reserve.

3. Reduce heat to medium. Add onion to the skillet and cook for 3 minutes. Add garlic and cook for 30 seconds. Stir in the Alfredo sauce, chipotle, chili powder, maple syrup and salt. Cook at med-high until bubbly. Stir in chicken.

4. Place the pasta in the pot and stir in the Alfredo and chicken mix. Spoon pasta onto a large serving platter and garnish with the bacon and cilantro.

(Recipe: Family Circle, January 2008.)


This dish was delicious and the whole family loved it. Just a word of caution. If you live in a small town in Alabama, don't expect your local grocer to have heard of, much less stock, Chipotle in Adobo. And if you see a guy in the store who goes to your church and he asks you what you are doing? Well, don't tell him you are looking for Chipotle in Adobo (Henceforth known as CiA). He'll think, along with the guy in the frozen food section at Walmart, you are totally wacko. And his wife will think so too if you text her a picture of said delicacy when you find it just to prove it actually exists - especially if her hubby hasn't explained it's significance. And if all that ever does happen to you? Be glad those two love you enough to overlook your fruit-cakiness.

(BTW - You can find CiA at Walmart in the Latin Food aisle for $1.19. You have to have it for this dish. It adds the most wonderful flavor to the sauce.)


Well, friends, that's all I got. Seems a good place to cut it off for now so I'll just bid you a good night!

Since the recent tornadoes in our community, I can tell you that the usual dread I experience when a warning is issued has been replaced with sheer terror. Apparently, I live in quite the tornado alley.

The kids were released early from school today because a line of storms was moving our way. It wasn't even raining when the boys got home so I wasn't too concerned. Number Two was supposed to go to a sleepover so I fed him a snack, got his things together, and left to take him to his friend's house. It was only sprinkling.

I stopped in a dollar store not even a mile from my house because a granola bar craving hit me that just wasn't going away. It was barely drizzling when we went in but within three minutes it got ugly. The clerk took a phone call and immediately began yelling, "Lock the doors! Lock the store! There's a tornado close by!"

I stinkin' freaked. All I could think about was the fact I was less than a mile from home and if we were going to get blown away, I wanted to be with my family when it happened. I threw my things on the counter and took off determined to make it home.

I'm nothing if not super-intelligent.

We jumped in the truck, soaked to the bones, and headed towards home with rain coming down so hard I couldn't see one foot in front of the vehicle. I've always heard when the tornado gets really close that the rain stops so I figured I was still good at this point.

Who said watching endless re-reruns of Storm Chasers doesn't have its benefits?

The whole way I'm chanting, "Please Lord Jesus just deliver us safely home. Please Lord Jesus get us home" while my kid is freaking in the backseat. I totally get it now about the importance of the captain maintaining some composure for the sake of the shipmates. The Skipper lost her mind. And and the little Gilligan? Let's just say calm was something he left back on shore.

After nearly rear-ending someone who had decided to just stop driving in the middle of the road and then barely missing a ditch, we finally swerved into the driveway. "GET IN THE HOUSE AND RUN TO THE BATHTUB!" We burst into the house to find father and other son in complete serenity watching tv together. Cable. No weather warnings on cable.

I put all of the kids in the bathtub and turned on the local channel. Sure enough, there had been rotation spotted not far from here. I still never convinced Luke my hysteria was justified because he's way too cool to get discombobulated over something as minor as an F4 Twister. After all signs of red disappeared from the radar, I lowered the alert level back down to DefCon1 and let the kids out of the bathtub.

Donald Rumsfeld would have been proud.

Needless to say, I've had all the excitement I can take for one day. It's pajama time for me, girls!

Oh, I watched the weather. Nary a cloud in sight for the first half of tomorrow. Here's to sunny skies....

I think it's fair to say I've established that I do not love WalMart.


I know. *GASP*


There was the whole incident about them no longer carrying my 100 Calorie Packs, and my yogurt, and my Mr. Clean sponges. And then there will always be the time I had to fight my way through the square dancing competition. And now, as if all that weren't enough, they committed the ultimate birthday sin.


All my son had asked for was an ice cream cake for his 12th birthday party. The kid isn't demanding in the least so of all things I wanted to give him, the specific cake he'd asked for was top of the list. Since we are a bit limited on purveyors of this delicacy in my little town in Alabama, Walmart was the only option. I had seen these cakes in the case 3 days before but didn't buy one because I wanted it to be fresh. So, me being me, I went to pick one up on the day of the party about 1 hour before all the boys descended on my home. I went to the freezer and what did I find?

There was no cake.


I went to the bakery thinking they had decided to stock them there and the lady said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. We quit carrying those yesterday."


There is a reason I do not wear our church t-shirt out in public, people. It's so I don't embarrass the church or Jesus when I say things like, "You're kidding, right?" or "If they were discontinued, why didn't you put a little sign like to give fair warning' or , "Ma'am, I don't have time to drive 2 hours to pick up a cake that I should be able to buy here...." when she suggests I drive to the next Walmart 30 miles away.


So you get the unattractive picture?

Well now, at the risk of sounding very un-Baptist, I'm convinced my collective WalMart kharma has returned upon my head.


I found myself forced to go Saturday to pick up some frozen burritos for our parenting class. I know, that sounds like such a great contribution to the finger food bar, but I have to tell y'all if you deep fry them and dip them in salsa they are an absolute delicacy. The reason I went to Walmart to get them is because it seems, in a somewhat weird twist of fate, they are the only place in town that carries the particular variety I like.

The irony wasn't lost on my Walmart and I think the store had it in mind to give me a kick in the tail on the way out out the door that day. I could almost hear it say, "HA! There you go you smart alec little preacher wife girl. I DID have something no one else had so quit your slander!"
Yes, the store was out to get me because once I was outside on the sidewalk with my bag of burritos an invisible force knocked my sunglasses off my head and to the ground. Mystified, I picked them up and put them back on my face. My vision was immediately blurry so I started fooling with my contact thinking I had also knocked one out of my right eye. I felt that it was still in so I kept on walking to the car, nodding, smiling, and acknowledging everyone who went by. However, I still couldn't figure out what was wrong with my eye.

I got in the car and took off my glasses so I could figure out why my vision was so blurry. That's when I saw it.

My right lens had popped out of my sunglasses.

I had walked through the entire parking lot nodding, smiling, and acknowledging everyone who walked by with one black eye and one naked eyeball peering through an empty frame. I pulled the rear view mirror down so hoping I could confirm it wasn't as noticeable as I feared.

I feared right. I looked like a stinkin' moron.

And off in the distance I swear I heard a sinister Walmart laugh.

I learned my lesson. I get the point. No need to break my fingers or shoot my kneecaps to send a message.

I am powerless against you, Walmart. You win. You totally win.

As evidenced by my extended absence, it's been a few more crazy days around here. Here's a little recap of what's been going on in the McKay house:

Friday:
The First Born had his 12th Birthday party after school. There were 11 wide-open young men at my house with an abundance of energy and appetite. I didn't have it in me to do a sleep over but I think they were all pretty well sick of being together by pick-up time anyway.

Or maybe I was the one sick. Sometimes it just gets hard to tell.

I really wish I had been a blogger when I had the First Born's first birthday party. I was totally June Cleaver on crack. I invited at least 100 people and even handmade the centerpieces for all the tables. Our parties have become decidedly less elaborate as my mothering skillz have been depleted.

Saturday:
Rain, glorious rain. Had it been sunny, we would have been playing a practice baseball game.
I was able to sit and write a good part of the day which was a necessity. Have I mentioned how in over my head I am with this book project? If it gets done, it will only be through a mighty working of the Holy Spirit's power. I have to also say that I am still overwhelmed to think I actually have a real writing deadline!! I am wonderfully freaking out!

Sunday:
I was 30 minutes early to church. 30 MINUTES! I have no idea how it happened. The skies opened up to form a funnel of favor from the Father (say that 5 times fast) in the form of the kids getting along with one another. You had better believe I strutted through the offices to let everyone know I was there early, too. Luke was just as shocked as the rest of the punctual faithful. It's like a whole new world being in the church before Sunday School starts. I may try again next week.

After lunch we went home so I could clean the house like a madwoman to get ready for my mom in law to stay with the kids while Luke and I went to Montgomery to arrange the details of our church's summer missions trip. Don't you fuss at me because I cleaned on a Sunday. My ox was in a ditch, 'kay?

Monday
We joined up with some friends from Huntsville and traveled to Montgomery. We visited the same housing area where we ministered last year and I was able to see one of the women who was born again in my little 'Girl Talk' group. Y'all, Josephine has been drug free for 10 months now and is still faithfully attending the Community of Hope church who sponsors our work there. It was so wonderful to see her. I'll be writing more about our encounter in my CWO post for Friday.

That night, we ate at Outback. I first thought I was going to be a good girl and stick to my diet but the Bloomin' Onion and Cheese Fries were just too much to resist. Eating all that yummy food was pure bliss.

My belly thought otherwise. I thought Luke was going to have to take me to the ER. Needless to say, I'm back on First Place not out of desire but necessity.

In other news, I also made a horrific discovery that affects my love of Starbucks.
Brace yourself: They no longer have free Wi-Fi unless you are a TMobile customer.

Please explain to me why I should pay $4 for a cider and then PAY to get online? And does anyone really have TMobile? I'm all IN Verizon, baby. No other way to go, unless you are in Starbucks and wanting free internet.

I'm still mad about it but not mad enough to drive by the next time the caramel spice craving hits. Those evil baristas know exactly what they are doing.

Tuesday
We got home late yesterday afternoon and walked in to the smell of roast and veggies wafting its way through my home. Have I mentioned my MIL rocks? We were able to eat quickly before time to take all three boys to 3 different ball practices. Oh, yeah. It's full on.


And now you are caught up! I've written most of the day again, got a good measure of study and research done, and am now on my way to Awana. I have 47 emails that require my attention so if you are one of those, be patient with me...I'm working on it! :)

So, the question that now begs asking: Did you even care?


p.s. Extra credit if you know what the title of this post refers to........